Why I Hate Time Travel

The summer blockbuster season has arrived and it seems that the words of the day are “time travel.” Time travel is all the rage, and appears prominently in the latest “Star Trek” installment, as well as being a key element of Terminator: Salvation. Time travel was also a frequent theme of the Terminator television series, and of course is crucial to ABC’s ever popular LOST.

Time Travel in Science Fiction

While the latest Star Trek movie installment was hailed as “original” and “groundbreaking,” time travel is actually an extremely common element of the Star Trek series. It was the theme of four Star Trek Movies (“The Voyage Home,” “Generations” and “First Contact,” in addition to the latest installment), and has appeared multiple times in every Star Trek series (TOS: City on the Edge of Forever, Assignment: Earth, TNG: Yesterday’s Enterprise, Time’s Arrow, DS9: Little Green Men, Trials and Tribble-ations, VOY: Future’s End, Relativity, ST:E: Cold Front, Zero Hour).

The Terminator series is completely reliant on time travel to tell its story. Clearly time travel is a popular device for purveyors of science fiction. So why do I hate it so much?

Problems with Time Travel

My problems with time travel, like time travel itself, span multiple dimensions. These dimensions are Physical, Metaphysical, Logical and Aesthetic. To address each of these in turn:

Physical:

Time travel the way it is depicted in most fiction is impossible. This, frankly, is the least of my concerns with time travel, as science fiction is generally predicated on the impossible. However, I just thought I’d put it out there. The whole idea of time travel is usually designed around Einstein’s Relativity theories, which essentially state that how fast time moves depends on your perspective, and that space and time exist together along a continuum. The faster you are moving and the farther away you are from an object, the slower time appears to you relative to the object that isn’t moving as fast or that you are far away from. The theory continues to suggest that if you could move fast enough, you could theoretically move backwards through the time stream, and there are in fact particles that do this, called tachyons.

The problem with all of this for say, Ambassador Spock, is that as one approaches the speed of light, one’s mass becomes infinite, and the human (or Vulcan) body is not really equipped for infinite mass, so anyone traveling through a black hole or some kind of particle accelerator might reappear back in time, but they would do so as so much mush.

Metaphysical:

Again, the physical objection is no big deal. Superman shouldn’t be able to fly either and I’m fine with that. I’m also not too caught up in the metaphysical problems, but I should address them as well.

The metaphysical problems are the paradoxes. There is the classic “Grandfather Paradox;” if you go back in time and kill your grandfather, you will never be born, and therefore you can never go back in time to kill your grandfather. There is the equally troubling “Ontological Paradox,” which comes up much more often. For example in Terminator, John Connor sends Kyle Reese back to protect his mother. Reese ends up in a relationship with Connor’s mother and becomes his father. But who was there to send Reese back the “first time?” That is to say, before the events of Judgment Day happened, who fathered John Connor?

Another example occurs in Star Trek. Scotty needs to transport the heroes onto a moving spaceship, but the technology hasn’t been invented yet. Future Spock assures Scotty that he will one day invent such technology, and in fact provides New Scotty with the required information. The question now becomes, where did this information come from in the first place?

It also appears in LOST. Richard Alpert in the past gives Locke a compass. Locke later gives this compass to Alpert with instructions to give it to him in the past. So what is the compass’ origin? Again, there is a rebuttal to these paradoxes, and these issues don’t concern me overmuch, although they are annoying.

Logical:

The logical objection IS one that concerns me. Although there is a rebuttal, it is NEVER used in fiction to my knowledge, certainly not in Star Trek movies. Here goes. The premise of this objection is that time travel isn’t possible because it doesn’t exist right now. You can’t say “it hasn’t been invented yet” because there is no “yet,” since time travel is involved. If it is discovered anywhere in the timestream, then it must exist everywhere. Some might argue that this is okay because whoever travelled back kept it a secret, or met people who could not understand or evaluate the technology. But that assumes that time travel works like so:

One person travels from point A to Point B, and possibly back, no harm no foul. But if time travel is possible, there are an infinite number of travels, like so:

For as long as human beings exist in time, people will be going back, making anachronistic holes in the time line like so much swiss cheese. With an infinite number of travelers, eventually one will make time travel technology possible at an earlier time, which will then lead to infinitely more travelers between that earlier time and other times, until time travelers are EVERYWHERE. And as far as I can tell, they are not.

Aesthetic:

There are even rebuttals to the logical argument, but there is no rebuttal to the aesthetic argument, which is that time travel is just messy. In Star Trek, the 2009 movie, The Romulans go back in time and wipe out Vulcan. This causes the hundreds of years of fictional history and the decades of real Star Trek history to be wiped out. All the great Star Trek mythology you thrilled to as a child, well, most of it just never happened, cause the Romulans went back in time. How then, can I be expected to invest myself in this new group of characters, when I know that someday, the Romulans could go back in time and destroy the escape ship that contained the unborn Captain Kirk, or destroy the Earth in 1776, or take over the Federation in 2214 with advanced 25th century technology?

Furthermore, there is the Slippery Slope issue which I find so grating that the story is nearly impossible for me to enjoy. In Star Trek, the Romulan mining ship goes back in time and destroys Vulcan. Now that Starfleet is aware of this, why not send a Starfleet force back to where the Romulans will someday pop into the sky and destroy them before they do it? Why not send an espionage force to kill Captain Nero’s mother, a la Terminator? It seems to me that if you can go back and change things, you can always send someone somewhere else in the timeline to change things back. And that’s why I hate time travel stories.

Note: There are some valid rebuttals to all but the aesthetic argument, and hence some time travel concepts/stories that work. I’ll address those in my next post.

The Right to Life

One of the current hot button issues concerns Daniel Hauser, a young Minnesotan suffering from Hodgkin's Lymphoma. The issue is that Hauser is refusing chemotherapy, which studies show have an excellent chance of curing him completely, in favor of untested homeopathic remedies that will almost surely result in his death.

This brings into contrast a classic debate over whether or not the government has a right to interfere in our lives, even when our lives are at stake. Since suicide and euthanasia are against the law in most states, clearly the general consensus is yes. In many cases, such as the right to make informed medical decisions, the situation is not so cut and dried. (By the way if you claim to be "pro-life" and favor banning abortions but think that Colleen Hauser should be free to roll the dice with the health of her child, you are a raging hypocrite.)

What I think is cut and dried is that in the case of children, the medical establishment should prevail. It might be better for society if it didn't, Darwinism in action and all that, but the fact is that the 13 year old Daniel Hauser, who is operating under the warped belief that he is some kind of "medicine man" is simply not old enough to know any better. When he is in his final moments screaming in the throes of cancer-driven agony, he cannot "take it back" and ask for the medicine. It will be too late. For the parents and libertarian advocates to turn this child into a political issue is self-serving and pathetic.

This is also why I hate Jehovah's Witnesses, by the way. Not letting your kids have birthday parties is merely cruel, but refusing them life-saving blood transfusions is just sadistic.

Bigotry Rears Its Pretty Head

So the latest media flap surrounds Miss Carrie Prejean, also known as Miss California. Miss Prejean achieved fame when celebrity blogger and Miss USA judge Perez Hilton asked her her opinion on same sex marriage. To the consternation of everyone, she told the truth, which is that she opposes it. Now there are several issues here, based on two main controversies that have arisen:

One, she ended up coming in second in the Miss USA competition. Mr. Hilton's comment that, to paraphrase, she was in front before that answer and the answer blew it for her, led Miss Prejean to assume that she was being unfairly persecuted for her beliefs and her honesty.

Two, since the competition, Miss Prejean has gone on to be the cover girl for some religious "defense of marriage" group, and this position has been jeopardized by a website that posted a picture of Miss Prejean topless at 17.

To address the first: I'm glad Miss Prejean answered the way she did because frankly, it makes her a perfect representative for California. A majority of California voters happily came out last year and made their position on gay marriage known, and it is just the same as Miss California's. This brings to the public eye that California is not run by liberal wack job hippies or even a T-800, but by these guys.

Take a look. The Mormons, who clearly govern California, are good-looking, blond, tall, and bigoted. Just like, guess who? Miss California Carrie Prejean. I would have been disappointed if she answered any other way. If she did indeed lose the crown because of her answer, then that is a tragedy.

Oh no, wait. It's not a tragedy. It's a FUCKING BEAUTY PAGEANT. WHO THE HELL CARES. If you don't want to be judged based on superficial opinions, don't get up on that stage. And anyone who is shocked and disappointed about Carrie Prejean's position on homosexuality: Don't put any stock in the political opinions of random beauty queens. Of course, she's entitled to her opinion, just like I'm entitled to my opinion that beauty queens shouldn't breed. But that's all it is, a random opinion. I know as much about beauty queens as Prejean knows about drag queens.

As far as whether or not she is a hypocrite? Well frankly, this picture is pretty tame, and I don't think that it has any bearing on her position on gay marriage. I don't really think Miss Prejean is a bigot, I think she's a kid who was taught bigotry by her family and friends and just doesn't know any better. Perhaps this controversy will help her learn. Then maybe something useful will have come out of a beauty pageant for once.

Pearls Before Swine Flu

This is why mainstream news media sucks. If you look around, you've probably seen people walking around with protective masks over their mouths, keeping their kids home from school, and avoiding public transportation. Why? The dreaded Swine Flu.

If you've watched any news on television over the past few weeks, you've heard about how H1N1 Type A, better known as Swine Flu, has devastated Mexico and is coming for your good, pure American children (if you favor closing the Southern border as a response, by the way, you are a xenophobe and a racist. Just a little reality check for you there).

Here's the problem. While getting Swine Flu is no picnic, the CDC indicates that Swine Flu is about 30,000 times LESS DEADLY than regular ol' seasonal flu that no one seems to feel the need to worry about.

So instead of people being taught by media outlets to take reasonable health precautions at all times, we're taught to remain insulated until the mainstream media tells us to panic (all in the name of the Great God Ratings, of course), at which point everyone dutifully FREAKS OUT.

Here's some news for you. You're not going to get Swine Flu and die, and by the way, you're not going to get killed by a terrorist or have a gay married couple break up you and your wife. Do as the President says and wash your hands regularly and be nice to your neighbor and everything will be fine.

Unless you're a pig, in which case you may be in trouble. Egypt, in reponse to the panic, has set about slaughtering their entire stock of pigs like...well, like pigs.

The Curse of Good Cards

Played in a tournament at Hollywood Park today. The first one in a month or so. I kind of hate Hollywood Park and the rounds were only 25 minutes which is awful, despite the "deep" starting stack of 6000 chips, but it was cheap and at the right time. I was doing terrifically until I had the misfortune to start picking up hands.

For the first 9 rounds I never got a hand better than A7 (well, I got AJ one time but I folded it pre-flop to an all-in). Not a single pair, not an A9 or AT. Despite this, I managed to build up a stack of over 30,000. Some hands:

Early on, blinds are 50-100. I pick up 2c4c in middle position. A couple of people limp and I call. I'm a firm believer in trying to flop wheels or wheel draws when you can do it cheaply, as the benefits when it happens and your opponent pairs the ace can be massive. Anyway, it got down to the button who made it like 1000 to go. Everyone folded to me. It will be argued that making such a large call early in a tournament is poor strategy, but the size of his bet and his position made me feel strongly that he was just stealing and that I could take the pot away from him. The flop came down 5 3 8 of mixed suits. He bet out another 1100 after I checked. I considered a check raise, but I liked my hand enough now that I was willing to see a turn. Gin, an Ace. I check and he checked behind. the river was a blank, I bet 2500 and he called, surprisingly, with KK.

A few hands later, I had Q9 and limped. The same player raised to 600 and it was folded to me again. I would often fold in this situation but I knew this player was both tilting and looking to come after me, and that he was likely to move the rest of his chips in on any flop, so if I hit one, I'd clean him up. The flop came K J T. Bingo! I checked. As predicted, he moved in, and I instacalled. He showed me T7. Looked great. Turn, T, River, T and the dealer shipped him the pot. I wish I could say that flopping a huge straight, getting called all in by a pair and losing was something that has not happened to me many, many times.

I got my revenge a few hands later when I found QT of spades. I limped, a player to my left called, the tilter raised, and we both called. The flop came 2 3 4 all spades. I checked, the next guy checked, and the tilter dutifully moved in. I called and he showed pocket sixes, no spade. a 2 on the turn had me ready to blow my top, but fortunately he blanked the river.

It went on like this, with me getting to see flops and turns cheaply, hitting and then spanking a slowplayer, until the table broke. At my next table, very little happened. Then, I got moved to table one, and the worst thing that could possibly have happened to me happened: I started to get cards.

The first, AQ, worked out fine. I raised, and got no callers. The next good hand, AK, worked out okay too. There was a min raise to 3200, a reraise to 5500, I went all-in, the re-raiser went into the tank but then folded.

That's when things started to get hairy. A few hands later, the same guy who had reraised made it 5500 to go again. I looked down at AQ. I flat called. The Big Blind then moved in for 10K more. I had about 40K at this point and we still had 50 or so players to go until the money. If the original raiser calls or raises I have an easy fold. But he folded. So now it's a quarter of my stack to win an increase of more than 50 percent of my stack against a guy who can have a really huge range, given that he was last to act and short. So I call and naturally he has AK, and makes a flush.

The very next hand, lo and behold, pocket Kings! This is perfect, I think. I'll move in with a massive overbet and someone with a bare ace or two big cards or a medium pair will call thinking Im on tilt. I pushed and the same re-raiser from the earlier hand curses and finally calls with AQ. According to plan. However I forgot to account for the A on the flop. No miracle K came to save me and I was out. Let's hope next tournament I don't get any good cards.

Fade In: The Controversy

It seems that somehow I have found myself in the middle of a war between Fade In: the screenwriting magazine, and The Wrap, an online entertainment magazine, so I just wanted to put my side of the story on record:

A couple of weeks ago, I was contacted by a reporter for The Wrap. The reporter wanted to know about my experiences with the Fade In: screenwriting contest, as I had come in 2nd in the Comedy category in 2005. I agreed to talk with her.

The reporter asked me if I was happy with my relationship with Fade In: as she had spoken to a number of people who had not received the prizes they were promised. I told her unequivocally that I had received everything that was promised to me. I also told her that the notes I got from staff writer Allen Ury were some of the best notes I had ever received, and that I had been a finalist or the winner in a number of contests and none of them had done more for me than Fade In.

She asked me if I knew of any other writers who had not received their prizes and I told her I did not know the outcome of any situation with any other writers in the contest, which I still do not.

Finally I admitted to her that I was a little disapponted that I felt "cut off" from Fade In: after my last set of notes. Although I was told that the script was sent to New Line and MTV, which I believe, I never received any feedback from them, either directly or through Fade In: I also did not receive any further communication from Fade In:, and when I tried to contact Audrey Kelly, was deflected several times, until finally I got through to her and she agreed to put together a list of ten agents and managers who I could contact with my script. This never happened and I was never able to get in touch with her again. At no time did I tell the reporter that this level of access was a promised prize of the contest, only that it was something I expected and hoped for.

I saw the article shortly after it appeared, and pretty much only read the part that included me. Since it stated that I received the prizes I was promised but disappointed that I didn't get that list of contacts, which was all true, I said the article looked fair. I could not and cannot speak to the fairness of the rest of the article because I have no relationship with any of the parties involved.

Shortly after this I received an e-mail from Allen Ury expressing his shock at my participation in the article. I sent him an e-mail in response (which he may not have received), detailing what I have said here, that I told the reporter that I did receive what I was promised, though I was not happy with how our relationship seemed to end.

When I went back to The Wrap website, I saw they had a follow up article which stated:

The letter said Fade In had made good on all promises of cash, prizes and connections to contestants Patrice Williams, Powell Weaver and Craig Berger.

But all three denied receiving portions of their promised prizes and/or industry connections in interviews with TheWrap.

This sentence craftily makes it seem like I denied receiving portions of my promised prizes when I in fact am only part of the "/or industry connections" part.

In the end, I just want to reiterate three points:

1) I always got all the prizes promised to me and I never contended, to The Wrap or anyone else, that I did not.

2) I thought that Fade In: ended their relationship with me abruptly and that was a disappointment to me, even though I understand there were no explicit promises of industry access as prizes in the contest. I mentioned it to the reporter because I think most people enter these contests with the hopes of gaining this access, rather than winning a few hundred dollars.

3) I have no idea whether or not Fade In: made good to the other people named in the article or any other contest participants. I have no relationship with those people whatsoever.

So that's that. Hopefully now we can all get on with our lives.

The Ten Most Significant World Series of Poker Final Tables

In honor of the 40th Anniversary of the World Series of Poker this year, I'm taking a moment to give my take on the Top 10 Most Significant WSOP Final Tables:

10. 1995: Winner: Dan Harrington Number of Players: 273

This year is notable for two reasons. One, the winner, Dan Harrington, went on to make two more final tables (and he had already made one before) and to write some of the best known books on tournament Texas hold'em, Harrington on Hold'em, where he talks about, among other things, his thought processes in tricking Howard Goldfarb to bluff all-in against him on the final hand when Harrington held top pair. And two, it featured the presence of Barbara Enright, the first, and to date only, woman to make the final table.

9. 1972: Winner: Amarillo Slim Preston Number of Players: 8

Notable Line: Slim: "It feels better in!"

The second main event ever, what makes this one notable is how it ended. Back in 1972, poker was a game of smokey backrooms, and unlike today, no one was interested in becoming a celebrity, save one: Amarillo Slim Preston. When it reached the final three, Doyle Brunson simply took his money and withdrew, an option not available today, and Puggy Pearson dumped to Slim to avoid the spotlight. Slim made the most of the win though, and by appearing on programs like the Tonight Show, became the first poker celebrity and helped to improve the game's image, decades before the poker boom.

8. 1998: Winner: Scotty Nguyen Number of Players: 350

Notable Line: "You call, gonna be all over baby!"

What's memorable about 1998 is it was one of the most watched finals before the poker boom. Scotty's goading comment to runner up Kevin McBride, causing him to go all in when he could only play the board, is one of the enduring memories of older poker fans, and Scotty remains one of the most well-known and top pros in the game today.

7. 2001: Winner: Carlos Mortenson Number of Players: 613

Two years before Chris Moneymaker and hole card cameras put the WSOP on the map was a final table that ESPN would drool at the prospect of televising today. In addition to eventual champion and future WPT main event champion Carlos Mortensen, the final six featured two time 2nd place finisher Dewey Tomko, former champion and all time bracelet holder Phil Hellmuth, two time final tablist and well-known poker celebrity Mike Matusow and popular player and commentator Phil Gordon. Even more amazingly, probably the most recognizable face in poker today, Daniel Negreanu, just missed the final table, finishing 11th.

6. 1977 Winner: Doyle Brunson Number of Players: 34

1977 represented Doyle's second consecutive WSOP victory, putting him in rarified company with Johnny Moss, Stu Ungar and Johnny Chan. Amazingly, Doyle won both with the same hand, 10-2. Would Doyle have the same legendary status as the Godfather of Poker and the author of poker's bible, Super/System, if he had not won two in a row? Who knows?

5. 2000 Winner: Chris Ferguson Number of Players: 512

Famous Line: T.J. Cloutier: "You didn't learn THAT in my book!"

When the 2000 World Series came around, T.J. Cloutier was widely recognized as the strongest tournament player in the game, and was favored to win it all. He might have, too, had not the dominated Ferguson spiked a nine on the river to suck out on Cloutier on the final hand. Also notable was the final table presence of Harper's Magazine reporter Jim McManus, who entered the tournament while researching a story on women and poker and went on to make the final table. McManus' story, which later became the book Positively Fifth Street, may have been one of the early contributors to the poker boom.

4. 1987 Winner: Johnny Chan Number of Players: 152

In addition to being the series that introduced the world to Johnny Chan,who would go on to win two series in a row and almost three, this final table featured some impressive future poker stars, including Dan Harrington, who would go on to be the most successful WSOP main event player of all time with four total final tables and a win, including two final tables in the post boom era, and Howard Lederer, a frequently seen face on the poker tour.

3. 1989 Winner: Phil Hellmuth Jr. Number of Players: 178

The final table that should have cemented Johnny Chan's legend as the greatest of all time instead gave birth to a new legend. When Hellmuth's pocket nines held up on the final hand, thwarting Chan's bid for a third consecutive championship, Hellmuth became the youngest champion ever, and went on to create a new dimension of self-branding in poker.

2. 1988 Winner: Johnny Chan Number of Players: 167

One of the major contributors to the poker boom was the movie Rounders, staring Edward Norton and Matt Damon, possibly the best poker movie ever made. The WSOP main event featured was this one, specifically, Chan trapping Erik Seidel for all his chips on the final hand. Chan and Seidel both went on to achieve great poker success, and became the first poker celebrities since Amarillo Slim.

1. 2003 Winner: Chris Moneymaker Number of Players: 839

Notable Line: Sammy Farha: "I could make a crazy call on you."

Of course, the series that gave birth to the poker boom was the 34th series in 2003. Due to hole card camera technology, viewers at home could see and understand every bit of action, resulting in the most comprehensive coverage ESPN had ever given to the WSOP. This enabled a growing faction of poker fans to see that anyone, even an accountant from Tennesse, could achieve poker fame and fortune, and poker has been growing ever since.

If you liked this, you might like my Ten Most Influential Mainstream Comic Books in History. Then again, you might not.

On Watching the Watchmen

If eagerness to see it is any indication, Watchmen is going to be a monster success. I saw it an hour after its official release and felt like a latecomer, as several people had already reported to me having seen it. Anyway, here is my review, which will have spoilers at the end, so read carefully.

General Overview

Four stars. While I had modest expectations, I think this movie is as faithful an adaptation of the source material as a three hour movie could possibly be. To be sure some elements were modified and some left out, which I will address, but on the whole, I'd say Zack Snyder pulled it off.

The Performances

Off the bat, Jackie Earle Haley, who plays Rorschach, was simply amazing, on the order of Heath Ledger's Joker, in my opinion. From his opening grunt to his final stand in the snow, I thought Haley captured Rorschach perfectly. Who knew Kelly Leak had it in him?

Jeffrey Dean Morgan, as the Comedian, was unfortunately a little disappointing. His was certainly a competent performance, and to be sure, a lot is going on with Edward Blake and this is a challenging role, but the Comedian has some of the best, most pithy, thought-provoking lines in the Watchmen series, and there are times I felt that Morgan failed to give these lines some of the punch and passion (or stark dispassion) that they merited.

The Look

The movie looked cool. There was no doubt about it. Modern technology enables the filmmaker the ability to bring this material to life in a way that no one could have ever dreamed possible in 1985, and its great to have the opportunity to see it.

The Sound

Snyder's choice to pair each set piece with an overpowering pop song reflective of the time and moment did not work for me, and was the one major failing of the movie in my eyes. It almost felt like the movie was being given the equivalent of a laugh track.

For Non-Fans

While people unfamiliar with the graphic novel will certainly enjoy the movie, I'm not entirely sure they will be able to follow the whole thing. The "master plan" was modified for the movie format, so I felt like some of the "clues," for example, The Comedian's drunken midnight confession to Moloch, do not quite make sense. However in the end, the revised master plan is certainly clear, so perhaps that is all that matters.

The Modifications (BIG SPOILERS HERE)

The decision to leave out the Black Freighter and its implications is one I understand, as it enabled them to trim down the movie considerably. That being said, the necessitated revised ending is at once elegant and far too messy. Saying that the plan was simply to unite the world against Dr. Manhattan rather than against a fake alien monster transplanted into New York City was the elegant part. However, the movie seems to indicate that Ozymandias uses Dr. Manhattan's power to destroy something on the order of five major cities. Ozymandias' original plan only required taking out half of NYC for the same result, making the original a far cleaner, and far more Ozymandias-worthy, solution.

The tone, if possible, I thought was even darker than that of the graphic novel. In particular, with respect to Nite Owl and Silk Spectre. The movie portrays them as unrepentant killers. In their first fight scene, it seems that they clearly kill some of their attackers without remorse, something that does not seem to occur in the graphic novel. Similarly, during the Police Strike Riots, the novel has The Comedian using rubber bullets and tear gas, while the movie seems to have Nite Owl standing idly by while Eddie uses live ammo on innocent civilians. I think its important that Nite Owl and Silk Spectre have different (stronger?) moral fiber than some of the other characters, and that was lost.

The ages. The Comedian and the second Silk Spectre were both aged up to be the same age as their peers, with the Comedian appearing to be an adult as part of the Minutemen in the 40s and the Silk Spectre the same age as Nite Owl and the others in 1985, about 35 years old. I understand why they did this, but the reasons to do it are the same reasons it is problematic. Both characters were supposed to be teenagers, about 16, when with their respective super peers. This would be troubling on screen, as it would force the filmmakers to depict a teenager attempting to rape a grown woman in one era, and a man in his late 30s (Dr. Manhattan) carrying on an illicit affair with a teenager in another era. However, the contrast here, especially when we learn that the Comedian is in fact the Silk Spectre's father, is beautifully poetic and an important part of the story which should not be lost. On top of that, an adult Comedian wearing what is clearly a kid's costume in the 40s looks a little ridiculous.

Summary:

On the whole, I have only some minor quibbles, and think the movie is definitely worth seeing. Maybe more than once. The diehard fans will probably never be satisfied, but I think this telling of the story is as good as anything they could have hoped for.

5 Things You Didn't Know About WATCHMEN

On the release of the new WATCHMEN movie (which I have seen and will review in the next post), here are 5 things that you probably didn't know about WATCHMEN if you are a layperson. If you are a comic book geek, you probably do know most of these things, but maybe not all of them:

1. The Heroes of WATCHMEN are based on "real" superheroes

While people unfamiliar with Watchmen will probably think of characters like Nite Owl and Dr. Manhattan as simply veiled versions of Batman and Superman, this is really only indirectly true, in that Superman and Batman were the archetypes for hundreds of superheroes to follow. In fact, the WATCHMEN heroes are based on the Charlton Comics super hero pantheon. DC bought the Charlton brand and was looking for a way to use the characters, but the proposal Alan Moore brought to them would have rendered these bought and paid for characters unusable for future projects, so Moore was forced to come up with imitations. In fact, the heroes are alternate versions of: Captain Atom (Dr. Manhattan), The Blue Beetle I and II (Nite Owl I and II), The Question (Rorschach), The Peacemaker (The Comedian), Nightshade (The Silk Spectre) and Peter Cannon, Thunderbolt (Ozymandias).

2. The Heroes of WATCHMEN are based on OTHER "real" superheroes

While the Charlton heroes created the template, some of the other aspects of the characters are based on heroes outside the Charlton Universe, including Superman (Dr. Manhattan), Batman (Nite Owl), Mr. A (Rorschach), The Shield (The Comedian) and The Phantom Lady (The Silk Spectre).

3. Alan Moore does not want to be associated with the WATCHMEN movie

OK, you probably did know that, but what you don't know is WHY. It's only partly about an objection to crass commercialism. In the beginning it goes back to the deal that Moore had with DC Comics. If the Watchmen characters were not used by DC within a certain amount of time, the rights to them were to revert to Moore. Since there would be no reason to use the characters once the series was completed, it seemed a fait accompli that Moore would get the characters back. However, to sidestep this loophole, DC had the main character in their book "The Question" (The Question being the character Rorschach was based on, see above) READING the graphic novel and DREAMING about the characters, as a way to retain the copyright. Needless to say, Moore was less than pleased.

4. There ARE no "Watchmen"

In the movie, "The Watchmen" are referred to as if they were an established superhero team, featuring Rorschach, Dr. Manhattan, Nite Owl, The Comedian, the Silk Spectre and Ozymandias as a sort of alternate reality Justice League. In fact, in the graphic novel, only one super team exists, the Minutemen, who were disbanded in 1949. There is a gathering of the "Watchmen" for one ill-fated meeting in the late 60s in a failed attempt to create a team, but they are referred to only (and only by the would-be founder, Captain Metropolis) as "The Crimebusters."

5. There ARE no superhero comic books

***SPOILER ALERT****

In the movie, after Ozymandias reveals his master plan too late for anyone to do anything about it, he scoffs at Nite Owl that he is no "comic book villain." In the graphic novel, Ozymandias says he is no "Republic serial villain," referring to an old movie company that would run film series of western heroes, super heroes, and other B movie fare. In addition to the fact that this sort of sounds cooler, Ozymandias does this because in the book, there are no more super hero comics, since with the existence of super heroes, this type of entertainment would no longer be escapist fantasy. Instead, comic book stories consist of adventure subjects like pirates and cowboys, and in fact, a pirate comic book features significantly into the plot of the graphic novel.

Hope this enhances your enjoyment of WATCHMEN

Why is Theory Different from Practice?

Many poker players deep in their hearts believe that they are stronger players than their results would indicate. Now, poker "experts" will mockingly chalk this up to an excess of ego or some fundamental misunderstanding of the game, but in fact it is much more complicated than this. We find the same misattribution in chess, where rated players will often overestimate their "strength" as being several hundred points higher than their rating, attributing the differential to some flaw in the rating system.

There is a good reason for this, having nothing to do with ego or misunderstanding of the game. Many poker players, probably even the majority of regular players, understand basic concepts like hand selection, pot odds and opponent playing styles quite well. However, when they get into a game, something strange happens. They start making calls that they know they shouldn't, they play hands that they would laugh off as garbage in any kind of poker forum analysis, they find themselves mechanically pushing chips into the pot on a draw even though they know the odds are against them.

Again, lest we feel this is merely a poker phenomenon, remember that the same thing happens in chess. Players capable of sparkling post-game analysis find themselves in tournament games falling into the basest of traps, making the most fundamental of blunders and even forgetting elements of basic theory.

I'm sure this same phenomenon occurs across many fields, from acting to golf to surgery (hopefully a problem with that last skill is weeded out in the medical school stage). So what is it? Is it merely the pressure of "playing for keeps?"

Put simply, the answer is yes. When an individual is put in a stressful situation, which we can define as a situation in which the outcome matters, the fight or flight response occurs. Adrenaline floods the system, the brain chemistry changes, one becomes, quite literally, a different person. Some of the physiological stress responses include:

Tunnel vision

Hearing loss

Accelerated reflexes

Accelerated heart and lung action

Tunnel vision and accelerated reflexes may be great for escaping predators or even driving towards a basketball hoop, but they suck for seeing a four move mating trap that capturing that knight will get you into, or deciding whether it's correct to draw at that nut flush draw to win a $4000 pot.

The point here is that poker players and chess players whose results do not match up with their perceived ability should not beat themselves up for "just screwing up" when the pressure is on. The pressure makes a real, physiological difference.

So how does one overcome such a problem, a problem seen in all walks of life? (Take for example, the issue of romance. It's a common trope that the guys who do the best with women are the ones that are "cool," that "don't seem to care" whether they get the girl or not. It's not so much that they don't care as that they don't let that caring change their brain chemistry the way other very eligible but less successful bachelors might.) One way is to find areas that your brain does not perceive as stressful and try to excel at those. The problem with this is that if your brain doesn't perceive obtaining a particular result as a stressful undertaking, it probably isn't that important to you.

The other is to simply put yourself in these situations over and over again until they become so common that your brain no longer percieves them as stressful. How many situations will be required will be different for each person, but this, in large part I think, is the true "benefit of experience."

Alcohol and/or drugs may be an option too, but the action of these on the brain is unpredictable and may not have the desired effect. Also the threats of addiction and health problems are probably not a worthwhile exchange for the positive benefits.

So what are the useful applications of this analysis?

The first is that practice (in the sense of preparation for a meaningful activity, not in the sense of its application, as in the title of this post) is most effective if something is really at stake: The trick is finding a form of practice that has this characteristic while still being classifiable as "practice." This may mean a chess tournament among friends where the prize is a week of possession of a coveted item, such as a jointly owned plasma television, or a weekly poker tournament where players earn points based on their finish and at the end of the year, the highest point winner is put into the WSOP main event (20 players putting in $10 a week for 50 weeks will produce the $10,000 required. $10 is hardly prohibitive but the reward is tangible).

The second is an understanding of the meaning of experience. Performing badly when you know you could do better is not a personal failing, not a fault of character or intelligence. It is simply a lack of the amount of experience needed to train your brain not to shift into "stress mode."

Hope that makes you feel better.

Super Bowl Recap III (Post #101!)

If its February, it must be time for my annual Super Bowl recap. As a special bonus, this post represents my going over the century mark with posts, at 101, so time for celebration all around. So, without further ado:

The Commercials:

Lets get this one out of the way first this year. Without going into my full diatriabe about how most of the commercials are always pretty lame, I'll get into specifics. For my money, the Coke entries were the biggest disaster, ranging from the confusing ("Avatars") to the merely icky ("Bugs like Coke"). There's several million dollars that could have been much better spent. In contrast, I felt the big winner was Bridgestone Tires, whose "Taters" ad had me chuckling and whose "Hot Item" ad had me laughing out loud. Sadly I already bought a complete new set of tires last week. Honorable mention goes out to Bud Light's "Swedish Conan O' Brien" commercial and Pepsi's "Forever Young" which harkened back to the classic Super Bowl commercials of old much better than Coke Zero's hackneyed "Mean Troy." Coke, you may want to consider changing your advertising agency.

The Game:

Another good one, with Arizona one moment looking to take all the momentum away and then in one James Harrison record breaking 100 yard interception return moment, Pittsburgh appearing to put an early dagger into the Cardinals. But Arizona fought back, and took the lead with only minutes to play. Destiny and the Pittsburgh Steelers would not be denied, however, and a last minute drive and miracle catch by Santonio Holmes made Pittsburgh the champs. A nail-biter that goes far towards erasing the memories of Super Bowl blowouts of decades past.

The Winners

What can you say? Six Super Bowls, the most all time. Some people may feel this makes Pittsburgh the new "team to hate," but I think they make a satisfying champion (although my New York Jets would be much more satisfying). They don't seem to have the annoying swagger of the New England Patriots that have dominated the '00s nor the off-putting overconfidence of the Cowboys of the '90s nor the distant, unrelatability of the 49ers of the '80s. Of course that's just my opinion. Ravens and Browns fans may see things a little differently.

The Losers

The Cardinals were a great story and have nothing to be ashamed of. They were written off at every stage of the playoffs and made it all the way to minutes from a Super Bowl championship. Kurt Warner earned a much-deserved spot in the Hall of Fame, and Arizona proved they belonged to be there. Congratulations to the Cardinals for their first Super Bowl appearance in franchise history.

The Halftime Show

Bruce Springsteen. And I actually watched this year. Which says a lot.

Next: No more sports for awhile. Maybe I'll get back to writing about some poker again. That is unless someone else starts throwing bombs at Israel.

The Curious Popularity of Benjamin Button

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Brad Pitt's latest venture, has received 13 Oscar nominations, including Best Adapted Screenplay and of course, Best Picture. I sincerely hope that Slumdog Millionaire, which is a tremendous movie, gets its share of Oscars, but I suspect that in the traditional example of Academy injustice, Ben Button will greedily hoover up the lion's share.

Don't get me wrong. I like David Fincher a lot. I think Brad Pitt is a much better actor than anyone ever gives him credit for. Eric Roth, on the other hand, although he deserves all the credit in the world for being a successful working screenwriter, I could do without.

The movie itself is a dressed-up pastiche of Roth's previous highly overrated Oscar winning work (which also grabbed 13 Academy noms), Forrest Gump. Both movies feature a catalyst protagonist, an unusual figure for whom how he touches others is as or more important than how they touch him. Both feature a doomed love story, and both use the backdrop of history as a character unto itself. Both have characters who seamlessly integrate into the African American community and both have characters that inexplicably feel the need to go out to sea.

The problem with both movies is that all of this fancy dressing is at the expense of character. In Forrest Gump, any characters with more redeeming values than unredeeming ones are simply reactive, just going along with where life takes them and accepting the consequences. In fact, the most noble, proactive character of all is Forrest's mother, who sleeps with the principal rather than let Forrest be ostracized by being taken out of the mainstream education system, but her appearance is farily brief (and in truth, if the highest sign of nobility in a movie is one's willingness to prostitute oneself, that nobility may not merit an abundant amount of praise).

In Benjamin Button, the characters are not irredeemable, but there are no opportunities for them to be redeemed. As passive as Gump's cast, they are simply caught up in the flow of Benjamin's journey through the timestream, hurtling via the force of the tides to their inevitable destruction. Not as frustrating as Gump, but ten times as depressing.

Benjamin Button is based on an extremely clever short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald. If you haven't read it, you can read it here, and you should. (Winston Groom's ludicrous "Forrest Gump," on the other hand, should only be read by young children).

Fitzgerald's story works from Mark Twain's premise that God sort of got it all wrong when he made people so that they were young before they could gain the wisdom to fully take advantage of their physical prowess, and then had to decline in old age. That it would be much better to start in decline and grow younger as one gained experiences, then spend one's "golden years" as a happy child. Fitzgerald, in just a few well chosen pages, explores this premise beautifully, with equal parts humor and angst. Roth on the other hand, seems to ignore the premise entirely to focus on a "star cross'd" love story that we've seen many times before.

I'm pretty much disappointed by the Oscars every year and don't expect this year to be any exception. However, if Slumdog can nail a golden statue or two, that along with Heath Ledger's supporting actor win (and he's a lock, make no mistake) will have to be enough.

A Historic Day

It is a truly momentous time in American history. A day has come that few alive today thought they would ever see.

Over the last several decades it has been thought impossible. There are too many obstacles, many said. Too many challenges to overcome. It would be a pinnacle too high to ever even realistically consider.

But today, the impossible has become a reality.

The Arizona Cardinals are in the Super Bowl.

Oh yeah...the Obama thing is pretty neat too.

New Year's Confusion

Happy New Year!

It's a new day dawning, and in honor of that, here's a list of video games that I don't get.

Deer Hunting Games

The idea of hunting animals for sport is not for me, although I get it. Without recreational hunters, we probably don't have professional hunters, and I do think that it is natural and healthy for humans to eat meat (in moderation). However, playing an animal hunting video game makes no sense to me. The whole idea of video games is that you can kill PEOPLE with no consequences. To me that seems a lot more fun and challenging than killing a cute animal.

Paintball

This one really stymies me, for the same reason mentioned above. The reason dudes play paintball is that it is illegal and dangerous for them to shoot at each other with live ammunition. In a video game, nobody can get hurt, so what's the point of using paint? It's like wearing a condom while watching a porn movie.

Singing Games

Suck it up and buy a karaoke machine.

Poker

The whole point of poker is that you can win or lose money. Even if you don't want to risk real money you can play free online poker games against real people at an online poker site like PokerStars without putting anything real at risk. Sure, you can pretend to play against your favorite poker celebrities in these games, but play your cards right and you might be able to do that in real life.

Fishing Games

Anything that is boring in real life should not be made into a video game.

Favre Out

The verdict is in. Last year's New York Jets starting quarterback Chad Pennington leads an average Miami Dolphins team to an AFC East championship while aged veteran Brett Favre leads a very talented Jets team to the golf course. Please, Brett, stay retired this time.

Thanks.

(Stupid) Man vs. Machine

-------------------------- Massage-O-Matic 5000?-------------------------

Here's a story about how three people were killed by a Japanese foot massager. I enjoy stories like this because they are about people being killed in ways I am unlikely to die, which in my mind, raises the average lifespan among people like me who do not put themselves in ridiculous fatal situations. (Although I realize I am tempting fate by saying this...."Tonight at 11...blogger predicts his own unbelievable death!"). Here are other situations that I am happy to hear killed people:

1. Mountain Climbing (especially if the victim chose to climb in a particularly dangerous way, no oxygen, no communication devices, no food, no warm clothes, etc.)

2. Drinking Aftershave

3. Murdered by a Japanese Foot Massager (see above)

4. Going to Live with Bears

5. Going to Live in the Wilderness

6. Trying to Fly

7. Water Poisoning

8. Huffing

9. Testing an Electric Fence

10. Giving My Child a Gun

Before They Were Stars

You didn't think Kermit the Frog landed that plum Sesame Street job right out of the gate, did you? Here's Kermit when he was just a young actor trying to make it big, as a pitchmuppet for Garry's Sausage.

Is There a Secret Gay Basketball League?

Not that there's anything wrong with it, but I think the new American Basketball Association, founded in 2000 and currently consisting of nearly 40 teams playing all over the world, is a closet gay baskteball league. Don't believe me? Let's look at some of the teams in this league:

The Youngstown Swish
The Charlotte Crossovers
The Alaska Dream
The Houston Takers
The South Texas Showboats
The Georgia GWizzlies
The Bahama All-Pro Show

And an honorable mention has to go to the Butte Bandits of the All American Professional Basketball League.

I think it's great that there is a gay professional sports league. As long as none of the players say they are "married to the game," they just might do all right.

Dismember the Titans!

Well, well. It seems that my New York Jets have knocked the Tennessee Titans off their undefeated pedestal. Takes a Titan to beat a Titan, I guess. The most surprising thing about the victory is that I'm not surprised. After the Jets returned to their perennial doormat form last year, I expected little from them this year, but since the unfortunate loss to Oakland, they've been playing like a different team. A playoff team, if not necessarily championship caliber yet.

The question is do I now once again have to reevaluate my opinion of Brett Favre? The answer is yes and no. I stand by my disappointment in Favre's earlier performances, but this is a different quarterback we've seen over the last few games. This is a quarterback who uses his running backs, who doesn't panic and doesn't gamble, and hence, doesn't throw interceptions or make big mistakes. This is a quarterback who gives us everything we got Brett Favre for, and not the stuff we would rather do without.

That being said, he couldn't be doing this alone. The Jets line, on both sides of the ball, is the best it has been possibly ever, guided by standouts Alan Faneca on the offensive side of things and Kris Jenkins on defense. Leon Washington has had some tremendous performances both on special teams and behind the line, and Thomas Jones has looked great. So credit where it's due: Favre, keep doing what you're doing, but know you've got a team behind you that's making you look good.

See you in the playoffs.

Bang Bang!

Here's a report and article about an 8 year old boy who shot his father and a boarder to death in Arizona. According the article: "Romero was from a family of avid hunters and wanted to make sure the boy wasn't afraid of guns and knew how to handle them." Mission accomplished!

Thanks for the liberal gun control laws, Justice Scalia!

Proposition 8A

In the Bible, Deuteronomy 22:22, it clearly states "If a man is found lying with a married woman, the both of them shall be put to death."

In order to protect traditional marriage, I am proposing Proposition 8A, which will make adultery (but only for cheating women), a capital offense. A vote yes on 8A will reinstate the death penalty in Califoria but only in matters of adultery. When passed, any married woman who fornicates with a man other than her husband, as well as that man, will be summarily executed and marriage will be saved.

Do YOU want ADULTERY taught in our SCHOOLS?

Are our CHILDREN safe from ADULTERERS?

Do you want to be COMPELLED to ACCEPT ADULTERY?

Save the institution of marriage. Vote YES on 8A!!

You hypocritcal bastards.

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Barack Obama is your 44th President of the United States. I'll admit, I didn't think it would happen. Frankly, way back when this all started, I thought it would be Hillary. But of course I am thrilled. In my mind, the Republicans who fear that this result will lead to disaster haven't been looking around. In my mind, there's nowhere to go but up.

Unfortunately, the victory is bittersweet for patriots here in California due to the passage of Proposition 8, an amendment to take rights away from Gay Americans, and the passage of similar laws throughout the country.

What makes this so disturbing is that many of those African Americans in California who are so joyful at touting Obama's victory as a victory for equality and civil rights were just as happy to pull a lever to curtail the rights of gays, and have no problem reconciling the two positions, despite the fact that attitudes against gays today are virtually identical to the ones against blacks in Dr. King's time.

The Proposition 8 passage is an abomination, and the hardship that it puts on homosexuals may be the least of the tragedy.

1. Its Unamerican

For those who complained that war dissenters were unpatriotic, here's what real non-patriotism looks like. To amend a constitution to take away rights rather than to grant them is possibly the most unamerican thing anyone could possibly favor. In our Declaration of Independence, our founding document, it states that this country is dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal, with the inalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The pursuit of happiness is guaranteed by the most fundamental of American documents, and Americans voted on Tuesday to deny that guarantee.

2. It's Unconstitutional

The equal protection clause of the 14th amendment to the constitution, often used to protect the rights of blacks, clearly indicates that gay marriage bans are not permissible in a free country (check out the last clause of Section 1). If we had a fair Supreme Court, the California proposition and others could easily be taken to the Federal court system and be struck down. Sadly, our court is littered with activist judges who legislate their values from the bench, led by the unabashed hypocrite Antonin Scalia, who brazenly claims to be a strict constructionist while he interprets our most sacred document however the hell he wants.

3. It's Dangerous

Allowing a constitution to be amended by a simple majority vote is unprecedented. It's also ridiculous and dangerous. It sets a precedent that allows the majority to dictate minority rights. In America, majority rules while minorities are protected. Not so in California. Why can't Jews be barred from getting married next? Or Armenians or sanitation workers? All it takes in California to make any of that happen is a good campaign to get it on the ballot and an intolerant majority. What could be more dangerous than that?

In conclusion, those who voted for Obama because they believe in his ideas and that the change he and his fellow Democrats can bring will be good for this country, bravo. For those who voted against civil rights, against American ideals, especially those who have ostensibly been fighting for equality for so long, shame on you.

A Favre Cry

Ok, so it's readily apparent that I was way too soft on Brett Favre and that I should have gone with my first instinct. Sure the Jets are 4-3 and one game out of first place, but no thanks to Favre. He isn't just bad, he's quite possibly the worst Jet quarterback I have ever seen. And I've seen Browning Nagle and Mark Malone. Behind Favre's consistent and embarrassing interceptions, the Jets lost to the second worst team in football and came within a touchdown that Laveranues Coles had to catch behind him off his hip of losing to the worst team.

Don't believe me about Favre? Let's look at some eye-opening statistics. Here are Favre's stats through Week 8:

TDs: 15 Int: 11 Yds: 1611 QB Rating: 89.5

Here are the stats of the guy he replaced, Chad Pennington:

TDs: 7 Int: 3 Yds: 1710 QB Rating 100.5

Just for kicks, here are the stats of the guy who replaced Favre in Green Bay, Aaron Rodgers:

TDs: 12 Int: 4 Yds: 1668 QB Rating 98.8

Sure Favre has the most touchdowns, but only twice as many as Chad and 25% more than Rodgers. In contrast, he has nearly 3 and 4 times the number of interceptions as both guys and fewer yards, and we all know that turnovers lose games. Who would you rather have?

In lighter news, Obama seems to be holding onto his lead. If he wins, things will get better in this country right away. Half the country will find a way to give the Republicans credit almost as quickly, despite the fact that Republican administrations have been almost consistently disastrous throughout history.

Back in LA

I just got back from the New York Television Festival, where my script with Elizabeth, "Comic Book Geeks" failed to win the FOX comedy script contest. Virtually everyone there to whom we described our project responded: "Hey! I'm a comic book geek!" How come none of these people were among the judges?

Anyway, we got to see a bunch of impressive independent pilots and hear from some of the top people in the television industry. Here's what I learned:

There's always room for another good procedural.

The traditional sitcom is currently dead, but speculators expect its time will come around again soon.

It's all about the international market.

Now you know all you need to know about television.

By the way, I also got to see the HBO Premiere of its new animated comedy show, "The Life and Times of Tim," where I got to hear the immortal line:

"Bum rape humor is not a genre of humor."

So Favre, So Good

Well, Brett Favre walked off the field of his inaugural game as the starting quarterback for my New York Jets with a win. Did the Jets look fantastic with all their spanking new acquisitions? Not really, they were lucky to hang on and it went to the last play of the game.

Was it Favre's fault? Definitely not. Favre to me did not look like he has lost a step, and he did something that Jets fans haven't seen in a long, long, time: Threw a 50+ yard touchdown pass. Given that the Jets struggled with a team that won a single game last year, I'm not ready to believe that Favre will lead the Jets to the promised land. But he definitely should be a lot of fun to watch.

Raising McCain

Well, the Republicans finally got their turn, and let's see what we've learned. Here's my analysis.

The Leadup:

The decision to essentially cancel the first day of the convention was an interesting one. On the one hand, the Republicans may have been right that it would have looked bad to "fiddle while Rome burns" by partying while a potential disaster was imminent. I'm sure at least many in the blogosphere would have been happy to transpose pictures of houses swept away by raging winds with shots of happy Republican partiers. On the other hand, it also felt a bit opportunistic, a chance for the Republicans to show that they are now the "party that cares." The end result, I think, was a wash. The Republicans didn't look bad, but on the other hand, they were not able to hit the ground running and built up momentum, and it wasn't until Sarah Barracuda took the stage that the convention had any energy at all.

Rudy:

Rudy Giuliani continues his quest to make me feel unending shame for making him the only Republican I ever voted for for anything (you'll just have to trust me that things were really bad in the early '90s in NYC). Nice to see that he is still carrying 9/11 around like his favorite pet monkey. What disturbs me most about Giuliani is his tactic of trying to make a joke out of the Democratic party. His big laugh line was that Barack Obama was a community organizer out of college. Why is that a joke? Obama was quick to point out the hypocrisy of the "anti-big government" party thinking that organizing people on a local level is ludicrous. Giuliani's exhorting the party to laugh at the Democrats, to try to paint them as pathetic losers rather than a group with different ideas about how to make this country strong, demeans them all.

Sarah Palin:

And what everyone was waiting for, the coming out party for Caribou Barbie (thanks Stephanie Miller). Palin gave a great, inspiring speech with little substance. The consensus seems to be the people inside the arena loved it, but the people outside may have considered her a little bit catty. That's the problem with trying to be compared to Hillary Clinton. A lot of people have a real problem with outspoken women. Kind of thought the Republicans would know that one.

The Speech:

I write this shortly after the speech was delivered, so its reprecussions are not yet well known. I thought it was a fine speech, little to criticize, but then, little was said about policy. In the end, McCain is a Republican, and a good soldier, and the facts are that the Republicans have had stewardship of this country for eight years and they have screwed it up in very predictable ways. That today, attacks on big government and the Washington elite are in fact, attacks on Bush's Republican party. They want to make this election about character and not issues, and this speech served that.

The Bounce: As I write this, the Republican event was not able to make a dent in Obama's bounce from last week. However it's still early.

The first debate is Friday September 26th at the University of Mississsippi, and will focus on foreign policy and national Security. If McCain can't hold his own in this one, he could be in trouble. For America's sake, let's keep our fingers crossed.

Jeff Foxworthy, Where Are You?

If you believe that your state should secede from the Union....

If you want to spend hundreds of millions of dollars on a bridge that would service a few hundred people a day....

If you have a son named "Track" or "Trig" or a daughter named "Piper" or "Bristol"...

Well you just might be a redneck.

If you want to fire the city librarian for not banning enough books....

If your husband is a champion snowmobile racer....

If you think it's cool to shoot at animals from helicopters....

You may, in fact, be a redneck.

Finally...

If you don't believe in birth control or evolution...

If you have an unmarried, pregnant teenage daughter...

If the Republicans think you are a viable candidate for Vice-President of the United States....

YOU'RE PROBABLY A REDNECK!!!

Campaign, Interrupted

So we won't be having a lavish spectacle for the Republican National Convention. Out of the goodness of his heart and a desire not to be linked with Bush's pathetic efforts in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, John McCain has agreed that there will only be a minimal, perfunctory nominating convention so that efforts can be concentrated on Hurricane Gustav. While on the one hand I applaud any efforts to focus on averting major tragedy, it's hard not to see this as more political opportunism. Let's look at the advantages of limiting the convention for Gustav victims vs. the advantages to the McCain Campaign:

Advantages to New Orleans:

Focuses Attention on the Crisis
Allows President Bush to Focus on the Crisis.

That seems to me to be about it. Having John McCain on call during the Gustav emergency does not seem to me to be any more crucial than having any of the other 99 U.S. Senators on call (less crucial than Mary Landrieu and David Vitter). In addition, to be frank, most of the major news outlets had already decided to focus their attentions on Hurricane Gustav, so this move seems almost like a face-saving one.

Advantages to the McCain Campaign:

No Fiddling While Rome Burns

This is one of the ostensible reasons for the move, so that the Republicans don't appear to be partying and celebrating in the midst of a crisis, but frankly I think it's the least of the true reasons. For example, now...

Bush and Cheney Don't Have to Speak at the Convention

Given that the McCain campaign is desperately trying to distance itself from the Bush Administration, this is a huge plus.

Less Attention on Sarah Palin

Given that this woman seems to be little more than bait for women voters, I'm guessing the less she says and the less she is scrutinized, the better.

No Comparisons Between McCain Speech and Obama speech

Clearly McCain did not have a chance to match Obama's speech, both because he is less skilled at oratory and he has less to say. What was he going to proclaim, that that 90% of the time that he voted with Bush was a fluke? That he represents change even though he comes from the same party that has bludgeoned this country for the last eight years? I don't think so.

While I hope New Orleans benefits from this move, it really seems to be another pandering political move, like the selection of Palin, designed to win an election for a party that clearly doesn't have the facts or the issues on its side. Well, who can blame them, it's worked before. Let's hope the American people are too smart for them this time.