Big Pharma standard bearer Pfizer recently
made headlines by refusing to sell drugs to states for use in executions,
ending their position as the last holdout among manufacturers of drugs that are
used for this purpose. It was a surprisingly moralistic and human gesture for a
big pharmaceutical company, not in the least bit diminished by the fact that
Pfizer didn’t
even sell execution drugs until they acquired Hospira, Inc. last year, so
it probably didn’t hurt their bottom line too much.
While I applaud Pfizer for its humanitarian move, it does
leave a problem, which is how states that wish to continue murdering their
citizens will carry out their executions. According to the New York Times article, “A few states have adopted the electric chair, firing squad or gas
chamber as an alternative if lethal drugs are not available.”
EXCUSE ME? Did I just read that right? Did that just say the
fucking GAS CHAMBER??
Now, I’m well aware that Godwin’s Law says that you
can’t win an argument by comparing the other side to Hitler, but THE GAS
CHAMBER? If you can find me a person that doesn’t immediately think of Nazis
when you say “gas chamber,” then I will show you a person that is either under
the age of 25 or lives at least 500 miles from the nearest Jew (not counting
the ones in Israel).
For the uninitiated, here’s how the
gas chamber works, according to Wikipedia (you can trust
them on this one, I promise): As implemented in the United States, the gas
chamber is considered to be the most dangerous, most complicated, and most
expensive method of administering the death penalty. The condemned person is
strapped into a chair within an airtight chamber, which is then sealed. The
executioner activates a mechanism which drops potassium cyanide (or sodium cyanide )
pellets into a bath of sulfuric acid beneath
the chair; the ensuing chemical reaction generates lethal hydrogen
cyanide gas.
The gas is visible to the condemned, who is advised to take several
deep breaths to speed unconsciousness. Nonetheless, there are often convulsions
and excessive drooling. There may also be urinating, defecating, and vomiting.
Well gee, that doesn’t sound at all cruel or unusual to me.
And yet, Oklahoma, the state that is so resolute in its belief in the sanctity
of human life that it recently introduced legislation to
ban all abortions (and thank you, Governor Fallin, for nipping that
nonsense in the bud), is considering introducing the gas chamber to execute its
poor black citizens capital offenders. Oh, but don’t worry, they’ll be
using safe, painless, nitrogen gas. The victims won’t feel a thing. Yeah. Don’t
count on it.
In 1983 in Mississippi, Jimmy Lee Gray was executed in the gas
chamber. According
to reports:
“Officials had to clear the room eight minutes after the gas was released when Gray’s desperate gasps for air repulsed witnesses.” According to defense attorney David Bruck, “Jimmy Lee Gray died banging his head against a steel pole in the gas chamber while the reporters counted his moans.”
Now, this gas chamber did not use Nitrogen gas and Jimmy Lee Gray was a murderous pedophile scumbag, but this is not the point. The point is if you think something like this won’t happen again because of this “humane alternative” to cyanide gas, you are kidding yourself.
So where does that leave us? Well, besides the obvious
alternative of PUT A STOP TO MURDERING YOUR OWN CITIZENS LIKE EVERY OTHER
CIVILIZED COUNTRY IN THE WORLD, we are offered the firing squad and the
electric chair. Well everyone knows the electric chair sucks and screw-ups like
that gas chamber fiasco happen almost every time they try to use it. That’s
what made lethal injection so popular in the first place. And the firing squad?
Just plugging someone full of holes? Seems pretty barbaric. But there is
another alternative, and I don’t know why no one has considered it.
Yes, the humble guillotine. Despite its French name, no one
knows who exactly invented the guillotine, and its use has been credited to
have begun as far back as the turn of the 14th century. However, it
was Dr. Guillotin in the 1790s who successfully advocated for its use as the
primary execution device in France, where it served to send thousands to their
just reward during the French Revolution. Once France ended capital
punishment in 1981, though, that was the end of the guillotine. It has never been used to
execute capital punishment in the United States.
Why? Why not? Is it because the guillotine was inhumane? In
fact, during the French Revolution, people complained about the government’s
use of the guillotine because the condemned were getting off too easy.
The guillotine is the simplest mechanically out of all the
death penalty devices and produces death the fastest. In fact, assuming the
blade and mechanism are properly maintained, it’s over nearly instantaneously,
before the victim has the time to register pain. Now, it is possible that the
brain can remain alive for a few seconds after being separated from the body,
but there’s still no pain, and this phenomenon would probably be much more
disturbing to the observers than the condemned.
No, I speculate that the guillotine, despite being the most
humane method of execution, has never been and will never be used in this country
because:
1. It’s associated with the French Revolution and
therefore somehow seems archaic and barbaric.
And
2. It’s French.
Well, as I pointed out, it’s not ACTUALLY French, but
neither are French Fries. The point is that it’s associated with France, and
God forbid we should kill anybody the swishy French way, right?
Let me be clear, here. I am not advocating for the death
penalty in any way, shape or form. I think it’s savage, unconstitutional, and,
to quote Supreme Court Justice William Brennan “demeans us all.” I mean, full
disclosure, Hitler used the guillotine too.
But if you HAVE to kill your citizens,
Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Delaware, Florida, Georgia,
Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana,
Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon,
Pennsylvania, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia,
Washington and Wyoming, won’t you at least consider
the guillotine? Please, don’t stand on tradition or national pride on this one.
Use your head.
