How Much Longer Will This Go On?

The producers of the Miss America pageant pulled out all the stops this year, offering a hip new show with hotter swimsuits, text message voting, and pop culture related questions. How could viewers watch this annual tribute to the glorification of women?

On TLC as the culmination of a four week long reality series.

America, it's time to let your girl go. In the first place, no one has ever seen the Miss America pageant as anything less than a beauty contest except its producers, who diligently weight talent and Q/A categories, the only result being to leave viewers puzzled as to why the most beautiful girls never seem to win.

In the second place, the Miss America pageant was conceived in 1921. Television didn't even come into existence in the United States until 1940. The concept of Miss America came to light at a time before teenage girls could be world famous pop stars and championship athletes, before adult women could manage billion dollar companies and run for President, before anyone in America could flip on their computers and find pictures and biographical data on hundreds of beautiful, talented women in moments on the Internet.

In short, the time for beauty pageants, particularly this one, has long past. Let it die.

Oh, and congratulations to the beautiful and talented Kristen Haglund, Miss Michigan, on being selected Miss America 2008.

Do the Giants Have a Chance?

The New York Giants are going to Super Bowl XLII. It's hard to believe. At the beginning of the season, it would have been an iffy proposition as to whether or not they would have made the playoffs. Now only one thing stands between them and hoisting their third Vince Lombardi Trophy.

That one thing? One of the greatest football teams of all time.

As a Jets fan, it pains me to say this, but the New England Patriots, like the Green Bay Packers of the '60s, the Pittsburgh Steelers and Miami Dolphins of the '70s, San Francisco 49ers of the '80s, and Dallas Cowboys of the '90s, have earned the title of team of the decade. The Patriots are the team of the '00s, and, video assistance or not, are going to be tough to beat.

Can the Giants do it? Of course they can. They were an underdog to Dallas; an underdog to Green Bay. They've shown they can put up points, and they've shown they can play defense. If anyone can put a blemish on the Patriots perfect season, it's the Giants.

Then again, I could be biased. I really, really hate the Patriots.

Ch-ch-changes

The Democratic Primary battle has been cast by the mainstream media (who we learned in New Hampshire don't have a clue) as "Change vs. Experience." But what does this really mean? What are voters supposedly asking for when they ask for "change?" Change to me means something different from what is currently there. Given that we currently have a NeoConservative Republican regime, it seems pretty clear that any Democrat, be he or she moderate or liberal, will represent a change.



ITS THE CHANGIEST!



So what does it mean? Are we to believe that Barack Obama is somehow changier than Hillary? Clearly, both are opposed to every position the government currently holds, be it on Health Care, Abortion Rights, Gay Rights, The Economy or any other issue you can think of. Are we to believe that once Hillary gets into office, she'll say "hmm, I wanted to be President so I could do all of these things, but they're just too "changy?" The whole concept is utterly ridiculous. Some suggest that voting for Hillary would just send us back to the Clinton Era. The Clinton Era where the twin towers were still standing, there was no war in Iraq, the Federal Deficit was a Federal Surplus, and crime and unemployment were down instead of rising? That all sounds pretty good and changy to me.

How Do You Mount A Comeback When You're The Frontrunner? With a Little Help from Iowa, CNN and FOX News

With apologies to L.L. Cool J, DO call it a comeback. In 1992, an overlooked Bill Clinton began a massive surge to the Presidency when he shocked the world with a second place finish in New Hampshire, causing him to be annointed "The Comeback Kid."

But it seemed that for Hillary, there would be no energizing "Comeback Moment." How could there be? Hillary was the presumptive frontrunner, and even a second place finish might be viewed as a devastating loss.

But then something changed. Polls showed Obama not only gaining ground, but taking the lead over Clinton. A CNN poll showing Obama as a 9 percent favorite was viewed by Fox "analysts" (in whose hands the poll lead magically morphed into "12 or 13 percent") as a massive defeat for Clinton. the Fox pundits gleefully readied themselves to desecrate Clinton's corpse. Other news agencies quickly followed suit.

Even I, who predicted Hillary's nomination a year ago, was beginning to feel some cracks in my armor of confidence. But I never should have doubted the Clinton machine.

Whether it was targeting younger voters, preparing a shakeup of staff, or Clinton's showing of actual emotion at a speech in New Hampshire (see below), she pulled it off, not only winning in New Hampshire but turning herself into a comeback kid.

All I can say is. Look out Obama.

While Edwards claims he is in this to the end, I think the handwriting is on the wall. Clinton's best move now would be to reach out to Edwards with a VP spot on her ticket as soon as possible and lock him up before he throws his weight on Obama's side. Hillary, if you're reading this, give John a call.

Oh, Roger....

Well, Roger Clemens, to no one's surprise, is denying allegations of steroid abuse as outlined in the Mitchell Report. The real surprise is that anyone is taking his denials seriously. His pathetic argument, which seems like it may have been constructed while watching a "Bonds on Bonds" marathon over a bottle of Jim Beam, is that he was injecting B-12 and Lidocaine for his joints. As Dan Patrick remarked on his radio show: "When will he start taking Truthdocaine?

Another radio host commented, and I paraphrase: If Clemens did steroids under the current climate of scrutiny, he would have to be the dumbest person of all time.

I can see why someone would think Roger Clemens is very smart and self aware, after all, this is the guy who thew a SHARP STAKE at an innocent person on INTERNATIONAL TELEVISION.

This is also a guy who lied every time he said he retired as soon as another team made him a better offer and whose teammates are pretty much giving up that they use performance enhancing drugs (making this the year that both the Yankees and Patriots are correctly accused of cheating which is deeply satisfying). A guy who continues to throw ungodly fastballs ten years after he should have been retired, and whose excuse is just a weird combination of the first two excuses he heard: Bonds' "I didn't know the substance was steroids" and Petite's "I was just doing it to come back from injury."

I'm not afraid to say it here (since no one is reading this): Roger Clemens, you are a lying sack of crap and I can't wait to see you embarrass yourself on 60 Minutes.

There.

The Race is On!

So the Iowa Caucuses have come and gone, and the big winner on the Democrats side is Barack Obama. Good for Obama, but I'm not ready to back off my prediction just yet. First of all, the Iowa Caucuses are the perfect place for a guy like Obama to shine. It may be possible to actually shake the hand of every single Democratic Iowa Caucus voter, and that's just the kind of thing Obama's good at. Secondly, this sweeping, crushing 38% plurality of Obama's results in a net gain of how many delegates? One. This is a deficit I think the Clinton machine can make up.

Edwards, on the other hand, may be in some trouble. Shaking the hands of rural folk is also what Edwards does best, and if Obama does it better, he may be looking at a Vice Presidential nod once again. Time will tell.

On the Republican side, Mike Huckabee is your big winner. Huckabee is just the kind of religious loon that right wingers love to vote for. Sure, he seems like a nice guy day-to-day. On the other hand he compared abortion to the holocaust and homosexuality to necrophilia. This guy will be one to watch.