Shuffle Up and Deal!

The 2008 World Series of Poker Main Event is underway, and the tenure of "Ambassador of Poker" Jerry Yang, who as far as I can tell did not do a thing for or with poker during his reign, is almost over. A friend and I have a gentleman's wager, a "last longer" bet for which name player will go deepest in the tournament.

My Team:

Men Nguyen
Phil Hellmuth
Chris Ferguson
Phil Ivey
Mike Matusow

His Team:

Greg Raymer
Johnny Chan
Allen Cunningham
Daniel Negreanu
Gus Hansen

I've taken an early lead as Raymer and Negreanu both made swift exits, but anything can happen. That's poker!

Free Gas

Well, not quite free, but while we're on the subject of cool websites, another one to check out is GasPriceWatch.com. There are a number of gas pricing sites popping up on the web but I've found this one to be both fairly comprehensive and easy to use. It's a peer contributor website, where "spotters" (and anyone can be a spotter) input gas prices they have seen around the nation.

You simply put in your address or area of interest and you will get reports of gas prices in your area, color coded to indicate how recently the prices have been updated. It couldn't be easier, and the only way we're going to get these gas prices down is by consistently going to the cheapest pumps, so let's get cracking.

Taking Harp Lessons....

George Carlin died last week. Almost every modern comedian owes a debt to George Carlin. From Jerry Seinfeld to Chris Rock, the modern brand of smart, cutting, sometimes unforgiving observational comedy was perfected by Carlin.

The pabulum spouting mainstream media outlets responded by taking about the "7 words you can't say on television." Oh those 7 words." "Oh George, you and your seven dirty words." "Who can forget those seven dirty words!" Most of these newsreaders on CNN, MSNBC, Fox, etc., have probably never seen a Carlin routine in their lives.

Carlin was about so much more than fighting censorship. Carlin pointed out the absurdity of life with an unbiased eye. Whatever ridiculous platitudes and self-serving cliches you thought you could get away with in real life, Carlin would deconstruct mercilessly, making you laugh all the way. Rest in Peace, George, wherever you are. Here is the master himself giving his thoughts on death and the afterlife. They're not very comforting, but it wouldn't be Carlin if they were. (Note: The explanation of this post's title can also be found within.)

Free Rice

There is an awesome site that everyone should check out. It's called FreeRice.com. Here's how it works: You get quizzed on words. Every time you get one right, you earn points towards increasing your vocabulary level. More importantly, every time you get one right, the site donates 20 grains of rice to feed starving people. Instead of simply wasting time and getting meaningless points for playing an online quiz, you FEED STARVING PEOPLE. Your knowledge is actually USEFUL.

In addition, the game is designed to actually teach you and increase your vocabulary. It's a win win. You get smarter and starving people get to eat. How often do you get a win-win in life?

The Bush Legacy

The Supreme Court just ruled that restrictive gun control laws are unconstitutional. Some pundits are saying that the ruling is not a big deal. That it doesn't change that much. But it is a big deal.

It's a big deal because it's the Supreme Court giving a big F-U to the American people. The Court is saying that no matter how many people want a government led according to the principles of the Democratic party, the right wing court will always be there to wield the power. They have five activist judges willing to overstep their bounds and make their own laws and that's what they're going to do.

And make no mistake, that is what they've done here. The text of the Second Amendment is quite clear:

A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.

In any country not full of gun nuts, that would not be open to interpretation (and don't come at me with the commas issue. It says what it says). There's a dependent clause in there. It says because we need a militia (because we have no standing army), everyone needs to be able to have a gun (in case the Redcoats come). The conservatives would have you believe that despite the fact that every other part of the consititution is carefully worded with specific purpose, the Founders just threw in that part about the militia for the hell of it. That it was just a bit of a jerk off. That they got together and said: We think every nut should be entitled to pack heat but instead of writing that, let's mention that a militia is important. It's ridiculous. It's nonsense.

And the Court knows it's ridiculous. They ruled that people were entitled to own a gun subject to certain limitations. Unh uh. That's not what it says either. It says shall not be infringed. No limitations. It was okay that they wrote that because if you only have your gun to fight off invading Redcoats and the occasional Cherokee, there's no reason for limitations. On the other hand, if the national defense issue is off the table and has nothing to do with the right to own a gun, even the Court understood that limitations are needed. So they decided limitations were legal. Even though the constitution says they're not. They simply wrote a law. One that says the opposite of what the constitution actually says.

This is the Bush legacy. Activist judges who control our government like it was Fascist Italy or Communist Russia. Possibly for decades to come. So much for checks and balances. So much for the American experiment.

American Myths

What Classic Archetypes are your favorite superheroes based on? Here are my thoughts. Let's hear yours:

The Hulk: Mr. Hyde

Superman:Hercules

Captain America: Achilles

Batman: Sherlock Holmes

Iron Man: Frankenstein's Monster

Wonder Woman: Atalanta

Is Pegasus Next?

Here is a picture of a unicorn. This is not a joke and I do not know how to photoshop. This is an actual picture of an actual unicorn discovered in Italy this week. It's not as smooth-looking as the unicorns you see illustrated in storybooks, but reality rarely is. Still. A unicorn.

Selective Memory

I saw a comment online the other day where someone said that if Hillary Clinton was the VP choice she would vote for McCain because she would rather die than see another Clinton in the White House. How can the average person be so psychologically deluded as to buy into this? How can people fail to remember how great things were when Bill Clinton was President? Here's a quick reminder:

Unemployment Rate in 2000: 4 percent
Drop in Violent Crime 1992-2000: 506,784
Hostile Action Military Deaths: 76
Federal Surplus: +230 Billion
Cost of a Gallon of Gas: $1.51

By way of comparison, here are some more current numbers:

Unemployment Rate in 2008: 5.5 percent
Drop in Violent Crime 2000-2006: 7,741
Hostile Action Military Deaths: 2,596
Federal Deficit: -410 Billion
Cost of a Gallon of Gas $4.00

But everyone should keep on voting Republican for President and blaming Democrats and see how much better things get.

The System is Broken

CNN reports today that after the results from Puerto Rico are tallied, Hillary Clinton will have more of the popular vote than Barack Obama. If Obama wins the general election, he will be the second consecutive President who takes office despite another candidate winning the popular vote.

We can all see how well the first one worked out.

The Electoral College system is a dinosaur. It was designed for times when there was no direct communication between states, let alone instant communication all over the world. It was for a time when a local man in a small town had to get up in the town square and say "This man Thomas Jefferson is a great man! Vote for me to ride my horse to Philadelphia and represent Smithtown's interest in Thomas Jefferson!"

That man was called a delegate, and he clearly isn't needed any more. It's time for America to have a true democracy where everyone's vote counts. We can rebuild it. We have the technology.

Wiki Fugue

I have invented a new disease. It is called Wiki Fugue and is characterized by suddenly finding yourself on a Wikipedia page with no explanation and no memory of how you got there. There is no reason for you to be at any of the following Wikipedia pages (except as a link from this one), so if you fnd yourself at any one of these, contact your Internet psychiatrist immediately:

Old Oak Common TMD

Carolyn Waldo

Gauteng

Rhodes Hall

Psychotria Bryonicola

You're Part of a Dystopian Alternate Reality, Charlie Brown

Here's a cute picture of the Peanuts gang depicted as characters from Alan Moore's Watchmen, which I found on a German site called Nerdcore.



While I love the sentiment, I think the creator got the characters a bit wrong, to wit:

Charlie Brown is definitely Nite-Owl. Nite-Owl is an every man, who does his best despite knowing that most of his efforts are ultimately doomed to failure.

I like Schroeder as Ozymandias. They look sort of similar, and both clearly have some special gifts.

Pig Pen has got to be Rorschach. A traumatic childhood would explain a lot about why PigPen is such a mess.

I think Linus is Dr. Manhattan. Linus is sort of the moral center that the Peanuts world revolves around. Although Manhattan has his own unique morality, both he and Manhattan are Jesus-like figures in their respective universes.

By extension this would make Sally the Silk Spectre, since their relationship is a key element of both universes.

Finally I think Lucy is the Comedian. She sees the world as it is and finds it both wanting and entertaining at once, as she pulls the football away every time.

I'll See That Bet, and Raise...

Heroes of the big and small screen have found themselves in gambling situations for as long as television and movies have existed. Here are some common film and TV related gambling tropes.

Craps: Despite the fact that most craps tables have a throng of people crowding to get any piece of the table where they can bet from, and that most of the time the players are betting on someone else's roll, our hero will always be at the head of the table and will always be the shooter for the length of the sequence.

Roulette: Our hero never bets groups of numbers. He only bets a single number or on red or black. He never bets on odd/even. He almost always puts all his chips down on a single spin. This is especially true if he is playing red/black.

(4:30-6:23)

Blackjack: All movie and television heroes can count cards. Not only that, but this ability allows them to win instantly and consistently, despite the fact that real card counting may take hours of meticulous concentration before paying off. The hero will usually get escorted or chased away by casino security rather than getting up of his own accord.



Poker: At some point during the sequence, our hero, whether bluffing or holding the nuts, will go all-in for his entire stack. He is also likely to say "I call your (x amount) and raise you (y amount)" even though calling and raising are two separate actions and to try to do both is a clearly illegal string bet.


Slot Machines: Playing slot machines is not heroic. Our hero will play one coin by accident (he happens to have an extra quarter while waiting for a friend, for example). This coin will win him or her a huge jackpot, despite that most slot machines will not pay off a major jackpot unless you play at least five coins. If a secondary character has played a machine for hours to no avail, the very next person who puts a coin in the machine will win a huge jackpot.

Baccarat: Our hero will appear to be a very skilled baccarat player, despite the fact that there is not an iota of skill involved in baccarat.

Sports Betting: Sports betting is for losers. If our hero bets on sports, it's only to show that he has a gambling problem. Anyone else who bets on sports will usually lose, although a final bet may become a miracle win to save the bettor from total disaster, at least temporarily.

There Will Be Blood (But Not Too Much)

I finally got around to seeing the critically acclaimed Oscar winner "There Will Be Blood," starring Daniel-Day Lewis as ruthless oilman Daniel Plainview. While the movie is a bit of a slow starter, it does get going late in Act II, and the pace of this expose of the oil world based on Upton Sinclair's best seller "Oil!" is not my issue with the movie.

My problem with this movie is it is simply out of date. This should not come as much of a surprise to anyone. The novel on which it is based was published in 1927. The problem is that Mr. Plainview, whom we are supposed to see as a sinister, diabolical, ruthless businessman, simply isn't that big a deal by today's standards. Sure, he ruins a small town or two, shows little compassion for workers killed in his employ, and takes revenge on one or two people who wronged him, but can this really compare with Halliburton's role in the war in Iraq?

Sinclair, who in his time turned a magnifying glass on the ills of industrial society, no doubt meant Oil! to be a cautionary tale on the dangers of business run rampant. Sadly, many more people then, as today, needed jobs than needed books, and the warning went unheeded. As a result, Oil!s bogeyman Plainview, with his odd gait, appearance, and speech patterns and his devastating fury which results in the death of a handful of people at most, is little more than quaint, and most of us probably long for the days when men with as little ambition posed the greatest threat to society.

Will the WSOP Ever Be the Same?

In a stunning move of corporate greed, Harrah's Entertainment has decided to reformat the main event of the World Series of Poker so that the final table, determined in July, will not be played out until November. This is almost universally thought of as a terrible decision by the players, except for the celebrity pros of course, who stand to benefit tremendously from the hype and the publicity, especially if they are chosen to coach one of the final table participants.

There are a ton of reasons why this is a bad idea. One that concerns me the most is the safety of the participants. With millions of dollars on the line, who is to say that some unscrupulous type might not pay someone to make one or more of his opponents "disappear?" It sounds dramatic, but things like this happen in other countries all the time, eliminating the competition, as it were, with a lot less money at stake.

Here are the main reasons why this idea is a disaster and how Harrah's addresses them.

1. Harrah's is getting the "float" from all the entry fee money while waiting for the main event to finish.

Harrahs: The money will be put into an interest-bearing account and the full amount of that account will be distributed to the players when the time comes.

2. The players may have only been able to afford one trip to Vegas this year.

Harrahs: All players will receive ninth place money once the final table is set. In addition, sponsorship deals made in the interim are likely.

3. The players' safety may be at risk.

Harrahs: Each of the players at the final table will be followed closely by television cameras and documentarians up until the final. This close scrutiny should protect them from harm.

4. The players may collude.

Harrahs: See above. Also, Harrah's will take every anti-collusion step they deem possible and effective.

5. A player may die in the intervening months.

Harrahs: A player could just as easily die in the day between the final table being set and the final table commencing under the current format.

I still don't like it, but the chances of my being at the final table of the WSOP this year are negligible, so I guess I'll just sit back and see what happens.

Elvis or Beatles?

In the 1994 movie Pulp Fiction, Uma Thurman's character says that everyone is an Elvis person or a Beatles person (I'm a Beatles person). Personally I think the dichotomy is Beatles/Rolling Stones, but the point is that there are certain areas of pop culture and of societal preference where you have to take a stand. There are Beatles people and Rolling Stones people. There are cat people and dog people. There are Star Wars people and Star Trek people.

And there are Superman people and Batman people.

I have always been a Batman person. When I was an avid comic book collector in my youth I was accused of buying anything with Batman on the cover. Not true (although I did buy this).

A great argument for why Batman is the more intriguing character is presented at BamKapow.com here. You can guess the basic reason: Batman is human and therefore relatable, Superman is basically a God. Alan Moore knew this, and gave us the kind of Superman we could understand in MiracleMan and Dr. Manhattan. As the article points out though, if Superman had too much depth, he would cease to be Superman.

I actually recently heard from a Superman fan the only good counterargument I've ever heard, which went a little something like this:

"Imagine that anything you ever wanted you could just take, and no one could stop you. Any frustration could be dispelled, any desire immediately quenched. You decide not to act on those desires. Now imagine you have to make that choice every second of every day. Most of us don't have the willpower to skip a tasty looking donut even though we know it's not good for us. Now look at Superman."

Does sort of put the debate in a different light, I must admit.

Why Not Backgammon?

Why isn't backgammon televised? I can understand why chess is not televised, or is televised rarely. The strategy of chess is fascinating and there are even some interesting personalities. However, chess, like poker before hole card cams, is basically unwatchable. A half hour or more can go without anything happening at all (this happens in soccer too, but at least there are a lot of people running around to distract viewers). In addition, the players are generally immobile and quiet, which is not good television. Plus, the finer points of the game are difficult for the average viewer to grasp.


Backgammon is a different story. Many of today's poker pros, like Gus Hansen and Paul Magriel, are top backgammon players. Backgammon can also be played for huge sums of money, and the amount of money at stake can even change with the strategic application of the doubling cube. Also, backgammon is highly accessible, as a brief primer on the rules can make it easy to understand for everybody. Additionally, there is constant action, one player or another is always on move, and while finding the correct move can be difficult, the options are usually somewhat limited. Finally, backgammon can be played online, both for money and for free, so people can watch the action and then jump in themselves.

I am only a casual backgammon player, but I'm ready for the World Backgammon Tour. Steve Lipscomb, are you listening?

In the Beginning...

I recently stumbled upon the American Book Review’s “100 Best First Lines from Novels.” I immediately began to wonder by what standard these lines were judged. It seems to me that many of them were judged based on the novels that were to follow, or on how familiar the line was as belonging to a particular work.

To me this does not seem to me a fair way to judge. Is the first line on the list: “Call me Ishmael,” really such a great line? Or is it great because it is so recognizable as the opening line of Moby Dick? Or how about Marcel Proust’s “For a long time, I went to bed early”? A great first line? One of the 100 greatest? Really? Some of these lines I agree are truly great, for example, 6, 8, 18 and 29. Others are severely wanting.

To me, a great first line is one that compels the reader to read not just the next line, but to the very end, on the strength of that single line. It is a line that tells the reader everything about the novel to follow, and yet nothing. That having been said, here are some of my “best” opening lines of novels:

1. When Gregor Samsa woke up one morning from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a giant insect.-Franz Kafka, The Metamorphosis

2. This is a tale of a meeting of two lonesome, skinny, fairly old white men on a planet which was dying fast.-Kurt Vonnegut, Breakfast of Champions

3. If you’re going to read this, don’t bother. –Choke, Chuck Palahniuk

4. Tyler gets me a job as a waiter, after that, Tyler’s pushing a gun in my mouth and saying, the first step to eternal life is you have to die.-Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk

5. ONCE UPON A TIME, not so long ago, a monster came to the small town of Castle Rock, Maine.-Cujo, Stephen King

6. You are not the kind of guy who would be at a place like this at this time of the morning.-Bright Lights, Big City, Jay McInerney

There are others, but I think you get the idea—C.

Harrington

I'm halfway through Volume 1 of Dan Harrington's latest book, Harrington on Cash Games, so I thought it would be a good time for a preliminary review.

Dan Harrington is one ofthe great tournament hold'em players of all time. He won the World Series of Poker championship in 1995 and has made the final four not once but twice since then, navigating huge fields to do so. His Harrington on Hold'em series changed the way people think about tournament poker. In fact, a week after I finished them, this happened.

Naturally, I was excited to pick up these volumes, since my no limit hold'em cash game has been a bit lacking compared to no limit tournaments or other forms of poker. While I'd still recommend getting the book, I must say that halfway through I am a bit disappointed.

My main issue is the way Harrington conceptualizes no limit cash game players. He essentially says that everyone at the table should have at least 100 big blinds worth of chips at all times, since anyone can rebuy whenever they want, so there's no reason anyone should have less than this unless they are specifically playing a short stack strategy.

Of course, there are many reasons why someone would have less than this. Unlike Dan Harrington, some people have financial considerations and can't afford to continually rebuy not only when they go broke, but whenever they dip below their starting stack. Others come to play their buy-in and that's it.

Furthermore, in Los Angeles where I play, most of the no limit games I play are capped buy-in, which means that it is mandatory that all players start with around 40 big blinds.

What all this means is that I'm not sure how much the information applies to the non-pro, unless the online no limit game is radically different from the one I play, since I rarely play NL cash games online. While I recognize and appreciate the need for deepstack cash game advice, I'm not sure that deepstack high bankroll pros are the main audience for the book, and if they are, there's no need to waste 50 pages explaining concepts like pot odds, implied odds, calculating outs and bluffs.

I like the way the book is constructed, with detailed hand analysis and problems to check your work, and I still have high hopes for the rest of the Volume and part 2. My only hope is at some point the book addresses the games that have plenty of stack sizes anywhere from less than 10 to greater than 300 which I commonly play in.

Hail Caesars!

I was in Las Vegas last weekend with my main goal being to play as many poker tourn-aments as possible. I stumbled upon the Caesars Palace Poker Room and I'm glad I did. Hidden in an alcove between the PURE nightclub and the sports book, this room is one of the best kept secrets in Las Vegas. The room is huge, probably the biggest one in Las Vegas. It is ornately decorated with comfortable chairs for lounging throughout the room. A doorway leads to a separate poker room which is just as spacious as the main room.

The tournaments match the decor. Professionally run, their structure is the best I've ever seen outside of a WSOP tournament or WPT main event. 40 minute rounds with 10,000 in chips at best, 30 minutes with 4000 in chips at worst. On top of this, they offer a second chance jackpot where if you are still in the room playing a cash game an hour after the tournament ends, you get a bonus. I actually won it to the tune of $400 and it really made a difference in my trip. Anyway, if you love poker tournaments or poker in general and you are in Vegas, you need to check out the Caesar's Palace Poker room.

Tournament Room

Oh, as for my results, 4 Caesar's Palace tournaments: 1 final table, once final two tables. 1 Venetian Tournament: no cash, 1 Monte Carlo tournament: 1st place.

Kudos to the Writers of the Sarah Connor Chronicles

Great line from the season finale of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles: (1:09 on the clip)

John: Well I guess when they say you can't fight city hall, they really mean it."

Reese: Well, whoever said that didn't have as much plastique as we do."